Blood, Guts, and Transvestites

Halloween has arrived, and thus its time for people of all ages across the country to scare themselves silly. Haunted Houses open across the land, pumpkins are mutilated in various ways, and the college campus is overwhelmed by paranoid ghost stories. I’ve made it a goal to add at least another 3 of them to the local canon. And I’m sure I can get plenty of people to believe them.

Possibly the most popular way to induce scares and get into the spirit of the holiday is cinema. Horror movies have long been a staple of Hollywood, ever since the days when Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff terrorized audiences as classic monsters like Dracula and the Mummy. Over the years, Horror has become a goldmine for the movie industry, with a never-ending audience. As long as there are young people willing to pay 8 bucks to be scared, there will be horror movies.

Since they’re so readily successful, no matter what the quality, most scary movies these days are of dubious quality. And by dubious quality, I mean they’re absolutely atrocious. Currently, most of these movies fall into two categories. They’re either movies that scare the audience by things constantly jumping out and going “Boo!,” or they wallow in a sewer of gore, leaving the audience feeling dirty and needing some theater equivalent of air-sickness bags. Saw IV is the latest in the latter category of movies and has become a new Halloween tradition, at least for Hollywood.

These movies will continue to come out like clockwork, the occasional good, but mostly the bad and gruesomely ugly. For those tired of this endless stream of mediocrity, or those just looking for another good scare, here is a list of some classic movies befitting any Halloween.


1. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)
Subjected to a far inferior re-make a few years ago, the original Chainsaw Massacre is still one of the landmark films in horror cinema. The entire proceedings resemble some twisted home movie, as seemingly innocuous individuals are subjected to increasingly horrifying situations. The amateur level of acting simply adds to the atmosphere, making things seem just a little too real.

The “monsters” of the movie spawned a long string of imitators. The family of cannibalistic maniacs, headed by the mute, chainsaw wielding Leatherface, makes for unsettling viewing even when they’re not preparing people for dinner. The infamous dinner scene is still one of the most disturbing and terrifying moments in film, and all without a single drop of gore within sight.


2. Silence of the Lambs
Not traditionally considered a horror movie, this is another tale of cannibals and killers that will disturb anyone with an open mind. A mind that can be served with fava beans and a nice Chianti. Anthony Hopkins plays his most famous role as serial killer Hannibal Lecter, a man who balances culture and psychosis. He’s not even the villain, leaving the main attraction to Buffalo Bill, a man who takes cross-dressing to horrifying new levels.

The film is a staple of pop culture and infinitely referenced, but it still has the same impact it did over a decade ago. Skins still crawl whenever Hannibal makes his famous slurping noise.


3. Rocky Horror Picture Show
So it’s cheating a bit. Rocky Horror Picture Show is not horrifying in any traditional sense. However, any movie that features Tim Curry in drag and encourages random people to do likewise is at least a little disturbing and unnerving.

If you’re in college and haven’t heard of Rocky Horror, you’re a pitiful virgin. And I don’t mean in the sense of not having sex. The film is one of the greatest group experiences in movies, being a ridiculous musical about a transvestite named Frankfurter who creates the perfect man while also entertaining, and seducing, a young couple. It’s the most popular midnight movie ever, with a cult following devoted to dressing like their favorite characters, shouting out comments, and throwing props during the film.

This list should provide a starting point for any Halloween movie fest. These aren’t the only good Halloween movies out there, and even the bad ones can provide some great unintentional humor. It doesn’t really matter what you watch, as long as you embrace one of the greatest holidays, when grown men and women can dress up any way they want and not receive dirty looks.